uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
