He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
