when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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