does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
