i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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