i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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