Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
