There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
