You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
