Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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