you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
