My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
