You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
