Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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