Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
