I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
