What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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