I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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