someone threw a dead crab at me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just forgot I was standing up.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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