do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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