note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
