I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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