Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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