I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
