Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
