Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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