there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
