We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
