the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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