i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
