your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
