So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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