if i can run in heels then i can drive
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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