i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
