I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
