I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
