I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
