everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
