I got chris browned last night
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
