Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
