I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize