i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
