i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
