Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize