she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
