he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
