so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
