theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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