Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
