omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think i got beer on your cat.
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