if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
