you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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