Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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