she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
