I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
