Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
