i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
