remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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