Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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