using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
