im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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