Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
