Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This is my gift to your gina
I just had sex on a roof
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Randomize
